Love to the bones

Interracial marriages are becoming more and more popular in China. And as China opens up further, discussions such as this would be pointless because the integration of foreigners into Chinese society would have reached a hard core level.

During my early days in China, there was this perception, which I’m sure still holds today, that to speak good Chinese one must either have drinking pals who are Chinese or a Chinese girlfriend. That applies to guys; I don’t know what foreign ladies have to do to polish their fluency.

I’m not good at grasping languages so I asked a friend who was in his third year for some pointers as to how to achieve this intriguing goal. He said my dear pal, Chinese is one of the most difficult languages to learn on this planet called Earth, but I would advise you, look for some Chinese friends or a girlfriend - teach her English and in return she will help you with your Chinese proficiency.

So I said, brother, the point is ‘Ni Hao’- hello, can barely escape my lips. how much more asking a girl out in Chinese? And he replied, “Don’t worry, you can introduce some sign language, or just speak the little Chinese you can and add a bit of English (Chinglish), I’m sure that will do”.

I got his point and held dearly unto that advice. The next day I confidently I stepped out into the winter cold on a hunting spree to test my potential. For hours I sat at a mall smiling and grinning at ladies who smiled back, waved and walked away. Occasionally, groups of friends would stop, ask to take photographs and then walk away. I gave up after a few a trials with the hope that I might naturally grasp the language if I give it time.

Naturally I do love my browning, if you get what I mean. That does not mean I have no interest in Chinese ladies - I do - but I am very cautious of their “love to the bones” kind of attitude. I’ve had lots of discussions with foreigners who have been in and out of relationships with Chinese ladies, and what most of them agree is that when you are looking for true love that you intend to lead to marriage then look for a Chinese lady because they love to the bones. According to them a Chinese lady will love you 150% if she truly loves you.

So I thought, if I’m not in for the long haul then no need for the hit and run attitude because that comes with a price. A price I’ve seen friends pay dearly with all their reputation at stake. On numerous occasions, I’ve seen over pampered Chinese ladies throwing tantrums at their men in public, some are young students in love, others were married couples. The loving guy often just stands still while the ladies deliver severe punches at them, with handbags and shoes.

But on this particular occasion, it was this dear brother who had given me that advice. I was walking down the road to my favorite mall when at about 100 meters from me, I saw a crowd, including Chinese and foreigners gathered at a scene. And being the curious type, I quickly hastened my steps hoping to catch a glimpse.

I veered closer and in the middle of the hustle were my dear friend and his Chinese girlfriend. The lady was in tears, screaming and shouting at my friend for wasting her time. Apparently my friend wanted to sever ties and move on because he was home bound soon. His Chinese was good and lady’s English wasn’t bad either. The argument was in both Chinese and English. My friend I’m sure had made some promises he couldn’t keep and the lady bent on revenge chose that spot for the bout. She held onto his shirt, refusing to let him move, not even an inch.

They stood still and once in a while the lady would shout some abusive words. My friend was mute, with a lot of resentment on his face. Hmmm I thought, and asked myself if there was any amicable way to resolve this fracas. Eventually, upon advice, they both agreed to move to a quieter place to sort out their differences. A month or two later, they were still together. Before his graduation, he married her and stayed on a little while. Later they moved to his home country and now they are back and forth from one continent to the other.

Since then I’ve attended a couple of wedding ceremonies between foreigners and Chinese nationals and all these marriages are between foreign men and Chinese women. Not a single Chinese man in wedlock with a foreign woman, a strange pattern I have observed over the years. You will hardly see a Chinese man entangled with a foreign lady. It might probably be because of my location, considering China is a huge country, but I doubt if the number would be significant for research.

Chinese women on the other are more open to international love. That is not to say that they’re more susceptible to foreign influence, but rather they tend to put in more effort at understanding and accepting other cultures.

The original blog is: http://blog.chinadaily.com.cn/blog-1825133-24140.html