Agent J: You need to turn the electricity down on that damn thing. Can't taste my fricking tongue, K.

Agent K: How do you know my name?

Agent J: What? Because I called you "K"? No, I call everybody K. It's kind of my thing. What’s up, K? All right, I sort of-- Yeah, that's kind of my thing. I just-- Some people like it. Most people.

Agent K: Now that I know what you look like when you're lying, show me what you look like when you're telling the truth?

Agent J: I won those at Coney Island on the ring toss.

Agent K: I won a stuffed bear once, but never one of these. Must be good, slick.

Agent J: All right, sir, I was minding my own business. I was out there waiting for my girl, who, by the way, is probably worried sick looking for me right now. So I just need my things and I need to get back to her.

Agent K: What's your gal’s name?

Agent J: Huh?

Agent K: Your gal, what's her name?

Agent J: Schtaron.

Agent K: Schtaron? I bet Schtaron likes that suit of yours.

Agent J: What, it's a crime to wear a black suit? All right, listen. I haven't done anything wrong. And I need to get out of here. I cannot be here with you.

Agent O: Terribly sorry. X is frightfully upset about the whole Coney Island incident.

Agent K: Thanks for the heads-up. Oh, man, this coffee tastes like dirt.

Agent O: What do you expect? It was--

Agent J: Just ground this morning. O? No, I call ladies O. To me, O is feminine, K is masculine. You know, I see a couple, I'm like, "O-K."

Agent X: What a mess. Any casualties?

Agent K: Yes, Roman the Fabulist.

Agent X: Any human casualties?

Agent K: No, sir.

Agent X: Who the hell is this?

Agent J: Look, I was--

Agent K: Stray human caught in the net.

Agent X: Code 43 him and throw him back.

Agent O: You're late for a meeting with the Viagrans. They have a revolutionary new pill. It's really...

Agent K: Okay, slick.

Agent J: I was waiting for my girl.

Agent K: Schtaron.

Agent J: Yes, she's Greek.

Agent K: Okay. Just one last thing. An eye exam.

Agent J: That's not an eye exam, K. That's a big-ass neuralyzer!

Agent K: You sure have a lot of information for a fella who doesn't know anything.

Agent J: I see what you're saying. You know, K, we need to hold up a second. K!

Man: Let's get this bite guard in here.

Agent J: Hey, back up, back up. K, listen, I think we got off on the wrong foot, all right? So let's just stop for a second and talk. Don't put me in here, K!

Agent K: Too late, hoss.

Agent J: K, no, listen to me. I can help you with this case! K! I'm doing the truth face! You're missing it!

Agent K: I'll just use my imagination.

Agent J: K, the killer you're looking for, I'm after the same guy. A Boglodite. His name is Boris.

Agent K: Ship has sailed, amigo.

Agent J: If we don't get him, now there'll be two of them.

Agent K: You had my undivided attention.

Agent J: One gonna have one arm and one gonna have two. K! Listen to me! If you erase me, you will erase the whole world!

Computer: Fifteen seconds to neuralyzation. Fourteen. Thirteen. Twelve. Eleven. Ten. Nine.

Agent J: When you see Boris tomorrow, K, kill him. Do not arrest him, kill him!

Computer: Four. Three. Two.

Agent J: Is this thing off? Hey, I don't think it's all the way off, K! It's whirring and buzzing. I don't know if I don't know nothing.

Agent K: I knew Roman. His wife cooked me dinner once. While it was not pleasant, he was my friend. Last chance, who are you and what do you know?

Agent J: I'm an agent and I’m black but I’m from the future. We're partners. In 25 years, you gonna recruit me and 14 years after that, the guy you didn't let me kill today escapes from prison, jumps back to the past and unleashes an invasion of Earth. We got about 19 hours to catch and kill him so, really, we need to go right now.

Agent K: All right.

Agent J: So that's the story you believe.

Agent K: That one was the truth. Wasn't the whole truth, but I guess it'll do for now.

Agent J: What are you talking about? Of course it's the whole truth. I told you everything. The problem with a lie is once you start lying you put yourself...

Agent X: Agent K. What's he still doing here?

Agent K: I might have cooked him too long. Thought I'd better walk him out.

Agent J: I put my pants on.

Agent K: Okay, future man, where to?

Agent J: I don't know.

Agent K: What do you mean you don’t know?

Agent J: I don't know. Go wherever you went last time.

Agent K: I haven't been here last time. I didn't tell you where I went?

Agent J: No. I mean, we don't really talk.

Agent K: What kind of partners sit in a car all day every day for 14 years and don't talk?

Agent J: Exactly. And this is the type of problem it causes. It's dysfunctional.

Agent K: All right,sport, you better get useful real quick or you go back in room 43.

Agent J: Man...There was something in the file about a factory. Something happened at a factory. Hey, look, man, you can put your Jedi Knight on me all you want. That's all I got. That spark something?

Agent K: Roman had this on his person when he was murdered.

Agent J: It's a matchbook.

Agent K: No, it's a clue. He didn't smoke.