Recording their youths

Updated:2011-09-28 18:13

(chinadaily.com.cn)

 

Yang Mo, born 1988, graduated from Hong Kong Baptist University.

Yang Mo:

I had bouts of depression and I would be given to somber moods at my house. Nothing I can articulate. Then there was one day I exploded at my mother, crying, wailing. Afterwards my mother was very understanding. She said if there was ever anything bothering me just let her know.

I said: "I like girls, I had a girlfriend before, and so on …" My mom just said some things that reinforced my belief that "your mother is the only good thing on earth". She said no matter what her greatest hope is just for me to be happy whether it be with a man or woman as long I was happy.

Afterwards I think she went back on her words a bit, but I don't know, anyways, right now I still really like women.

We met by chance, we both were online. She saw I had a photo album so she opened it up and went through. She really liked what she saw. So the two of us started talking. I knew this girl happened to be a legendary "T" (tomboy) at our school. The two of us would just text message or chat. It was thrilling, then we met up the first time.

I saw her, we slept together after that. Everything was really good. The two of us were inseparable like we had been attached at the hip. I think many lesbians are this way, very clingy.

After that the two of us lived together for a time. During that period, because I had never lived with a lover before, it was like being with family. I think the two of us were just right like that. Completely undisturbed by the outside world. Absolutely no need to lead our lives "out there". Just inside of our home.

All the way up until one day I found out she had slept with another girl. It was a massive blow for me. I couldn't believe it. I thought that I had been so good to my girlfriend, my lover.

At that time I felt really hopeless I thought I might have a mental breakdown. I would dream of her at night. I saw a psychologist for a while. To this point I'm still like that.

Wuyunqiqige:

I had a boyfriend in middle school, in high school and then again in college but I was unable to accept the idea of sleeping with a man. I came to think there might be something different about me.

At that time I didn't know what homosexuality was. I just thought it to be thoroughly unbelievable. Why would two girls want to be together all by themselves. I never really rejected women. I never rejected them, it's just that I couldn't accept it. Why can't we all just get along.

In college I started to examine myself. I thought that something must be off with me. Could it be that I'm gay? Or bisexual? Because I didn't reject men. Besides sex there was nothing. I would reject holding hands, hanging out, it was all OK. I just didn't get it.