The Week December 31, 2009

Tiger found slumped on green

First, police were called after reports Tiger was seen slumped on a green. Speculation immediately began. Was this frustration due to not having got a hole in one? For the first time in a while.

It turned out it was a stuffed tiger mistaken for an actual tiger mistaken for the down-on-his-luck golfer.

A source close-ish to the story said ‘It was plausible. Tiger is trying to hide far away from the paparazzi. Instead of Monaco or the Maldives, why not Zhejiang province?’

High-speed sleighs

Reports China doesn’t celebrate Christmas were belied by new high-speed trains unveiled this week. Rudolph is said to be envious of each engine’s red nose.

‘I got the bends for Christmas’ – Santa 2059

Island nations, fearing being submerged under the ocean, have released a warning photo of how Santa and Rudolph will do deliveries 50 years from now, unless global warming is stopped.

Rudolph could become a passionate campaigner on environmental issues, and may henceforth be known as Rudolph the green-nosed reindeer.

‘Look, Mum, No Hands’

Two men in their 50s are taking their mother by tricycle to Taiwan, as she gets carsick. They’ve now been on their trikes for almost 100 days. It’s reported the journey is taking a little longer than expected because the 56-year-old man has not yet learned to do without stabilizers.

Officer Right

And lastly, in this quirky News in Brief section, we can tell you 98 per cent of ladies in Macao want to marry a People’s Liberation Army soldier. Not just because they are handsome; also as they are good candidates to be hen-pecked. ‘They’re used to taking orders’ whispered one would-be-bride.

‘Is It an Iron?’

And now to the ex-pat news forums in China, where The Week is getting some buzz. It turns out the most popular party game amongst expats this Christmas was Mandarin charades, a version of the traditional parlour game in which players act out a popular expression and others guess their mime. Mandarin charades has three categories. ‘Is it a book, is it a film, is it a household appliance?’ You can play it all year. Even if you don’t want to.

Hello, is that Hang Over?

And finally, a quirky exclusive. The Week has learnt a Chinese man called Hang Over is bracing himself for thousands of calls in the post-New Year period, as drunk people call up and sing the Sonny and Cher number ‘I got you, Babe’ down the phone.