Global cast to help Survivor stay afloat

Plonk a random assortment of nations in the middle of nowhere and see who outwits them all. How about a Chinese, Japanese, South Korean, Englishman, Australian, Israeli, Arab, Indian, Pakistani, someone from South America, Africa, South East Asia, France, Germany and, OK, an American if you must. The 16th and final contestant would be from the United Nations to keep the rest in check. If the Arab and Israeli ended up as best friends wouldn't that be great for Middle East peace talks? Ditto the Indian and Pakistani.

If that doesn't grab you, how about Celebrity Survivor? It shouldn't be hard to find 16 interesting characters from different walks of life, such as the following wish list: a well-known politician (pick from Arnold Schwarzenegger, Nicolas Sarkozy, Tony Blair, Bill Clinton, George Dubya); a sportsman (Tiger Woods, Michael Jordan, David Beckham, Christiano Ronaldo, Yao Ming, Usain Bolt, Michael Phelps); a pop star (Madonna, Shakira and Beyonce are must-haves); an actor or actress (Charlize Theron, Jackie Chan, Penelope Cruz, Mickey Rourke). Round it off with a would-be celebrity (Paris Hilton) or a controversial one (Edison Chen, but no cameras allowed), and someone older and more highbrow (Oprah Winfrey, Steven Spielberg?). You get the drift. The choices are endless, the marketing potential huge.

The insurance policy to safeguard that lot would be rather hefty but International/Celebrity Survivor would be such a global ratings hit that paying for it would be a cinch.

Sure, Mickey Rourke might get out of hand but if Arnie dealt to him that would be half the fun, right? Arnie, MJ or Usain might win the physical challenges but the strong men don't always win in Survivor. And if Charlize upset anyone, who would be brave enough to vote her out? It would be fascinating to watch George Dubya trying to get a fire going, Becks eating a grub, anyone chasing Usain around the obstacle course and Shakira, well, doing anything.

Alternatively, International Survivor would make for compelling viewing as the whole tribe tried to recover the morning after being cooked for by the Indian or Pakistani.

It's a sure-fire hit, Mark. By the end of the year, please.