Water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink

Why is a newcomer's most baffling Chinese challenge is ordering a bottle of water in a local restaurant?

All expats and most tourists have the ability to say these simple words - shui (water) using the up and down third tone - but many get bamboozled by the details which I have described.

There is a solution.

The problem lies in the use of the word ping, the measure word for bottle. Saying ping on its own means nothing unless a number precedes this measure word and saying bing ping, (and probably using all the wrong tones) sounds plain silly.

If the group had said, "women yao wu ping shui (we want 5 bottles of water), the waiter would have immediately understood and there would be peace on the land.

Saying ping shui on its own just doesn't cut it.

It's like going into clothes store in an English-speaking country and asking for a "pear sack", rather than one pair of socks.

Requesting tea - cha applying the rising second tone - can be equally tricky. Many restaurants provide "mian fei (no charge)" tea, and the pot will arrive soon after the order.

But during the food ordering process, we often confuse the waiter by asking for tea, which is already part of the deal.

The waiter will ask about the kind of tea we want, and most of us say green tea, or "lu cha".

"Mei you (no have)," the waiter will say to our frustration because we can see every other table with a pot of tea and we want what they have.

But the restaurant probably doesn't have what the "green tea" you asked for.

It may have five other types, including the free tea it offers, but it doesn't have the "lu cha" you've asked for.