Bird's Nest bland menu denies sweet taste of victory

It was always going to be spectacular. The combination of a booming economy, desire to please all visitors and zillions spent on facilities ensured that the Beijing Olympics would be a feast to remember. And in this promised land of culinary delights, the food was one thing that was bound to satisfy all tastes.

I've had a love affair with Chinese food dating back many years so arriving in its birthplace all these years later was indeed a happy turn of events.

My first Olympic ticket was for athletics at the Bird's Nest one night. I'd sussed out my plan: beat the crowds by getting there two hours early and then cruise around the place, buy a few souvenirs and then tuck into one of the sumptuous meals Beijing 2008 had laid on for this once-in-a-lifetime event.

I soon found out that several thousand other people had also decided to beat the rush, so all in all we made quite a handy crowd two hours early. I was disappointed by the merchandise outlets. So many people willing to buy (if only to kill time), so little choice. Ah well, I thought, I'll stuff myself with some amazing food.

Then it hit me.

I arrived at the counter to be confronted by the menu, if that is not too loose a term. The buffet of mouth-watering treats read like something out of a teenager's wish-list (or Billy Bunter's): potato chips, chocolate bars, ice cream, yoghurt, hot dogs (!), bread, popcorn and pie, which actually turned out to be something like a marshmallow biscuit.

I've attended sporting events before. Yes, the food on offer is usually pretty dismal. But at some major events, like the 2006 World Cup football finals in Germany, they've had the good sense to go the extra yard and lay on salads and hot food. At others, we've been lucky enough to have curries and rice, stir-fries, etc. What on earth was BOCOG thinking of? I was truly speechless. In John McEnroe's immortal words: "You cannot be serious!"

I had another trip to the Bird's Nest planned and resolved not to admit defeat. The next day I found a local store with small, ready-made vegetarian and fruit salads and bought several. That night I headed back to the National Stadium with a newly-found cheerfulness and took my spot in the security line at the entrance. Then I felt the tap on my shoulder, "Excuse me sir, no food inside the stadium," said the volunteer. "There is plenty inside."

Aaargh! Having paid for my delights, I wasn't going to chuck them away. I started scoffing madly and as I did so, I spotted several others in the line doing exactly the same thing.

Sure, the sponsors paid millions for exclusive rights inside venues but that isn't actually the main point.

Have all things foreign so captivated the Chinese market that people here have forgotten what makes visitors so want to visit in the first place?

A little secret, folks. Your food is way better than ours. Stay on this path and you'll become a nation of fatties like the rest of the world.

PS: I told a young Canadian colleague about this column. She thought the bread and biscuits were pretty good. That does it. Next time I'm taking McEnroe along.

(China Daily 08/28/2008 page20)