My China debrief in 10 seconds or less

Since my friends and family can't visit China themselves, I try to bring China to them - at least, all of the country I can cram into two suitcases.

The usual gifts - chopsticks, Great Wall T-shirts, calligraphy, scroll paintings, silk kites, tea sets - tend to reinforce their vision of a land where people eat food with sticks and build magnificent walls on mountain peaks. But I've also tried to bring them parts of New China: pop music from Pu Shu and Jay Chou, movies from directors Jia Zhangke and Wang Xiaoshuai - oh, and some random knick-knacks, such as coupon booklets from McDonald's and Chinese-language newspapers.

Unfortunately, these "New China" gifts aren't usually a hit. Friends and family seem to prefer gifts from the China of old.

Once, while screening a DVD of Wang Xiaoshuai's Beijing Bicycle for my family, I proudly pointed out Beijing landmarks and offered (perhaps a little too much) insight into city life. Soon, however, yawns and hunger began to overtake the whole family. Everyone took turns going to the refrigerator. Mom started ironing and folding clothes. Dad fell asleep. Only my brother remained. He insisted on sitting through the whole movie, but I knew deep down that he'd rather have been running up the score on some hapless team in his Xbox football game.

Over time, I've learned that my friends and family prefer to see hutong - not high-rises. They want to hear traditional folk music - not a Chinese Usher. And when I hand over the newspapers and McDonald's coupons, well, their puzzled look says it all.

"What am I going to do with this?"

Good question.

From what I can tell, gifts from China are meant to be shown off to whomever comes within range of it. Get too close and a silent alarm will sound, prompting my mom to say, "Oh, that - Charlie brought it home from China. Isn't it beautiful?"

She could be talking about the scroll painting of the sparrow on a pear tree branch. Or she could be talking about the jade frog sitting on her desk at school - or about the neat mini-umbrella that opens to reveal the logo for the 2008 Beijing Olympics. These gifts are conversation starters - conversations that end soon after they begin.

What else is there to say? Traditional, touristy gifts likes these confirm general information and assumptions about China. For the average person, this is enough.

In giving gifts, I hope to buy permission to talk people's ears off about China. Not just about the things they already know, but about the things I want them to know. That taxi drivers are some of the coolest Chinese people I've met. That waking up on the other side of the world can be terribly lonely, and also unbelievably exciting.

Sometimes my friends and family are gracious enough to give me a few minutes, but more often I'm left to answer the "So how's China?" question in 10 seconds or less.

In such cases, I just let the scroll paintings and Great Wall T-shirts speak for themselves.

(China Daily 07/12/2007 page20)