My advantage is that I am handsome, but my disadvantage is that the handsomeness is not so obvious。

我的優點是：我很帥；而我的缺點是：我帥得不明顯。

When I went shopping one day, a group of girls stopped me, saying that I was handsome. But I denied it, and then they hit me and said I am hypocritical。

有一次我上街，一群女孩把我攔住，她們說我帥。我不承認，她們就打我，還說我虛偽。

I am an angel, and the reason why I can not go back to heaven is the problem of my weight。

我是天使，回不去天堂是因為體重的原因。

Although you wear some cologne, I can still vaguely smell a scummy whiff out of you。

雖然你身上噴了古龍水，但我還是能隱約聞到一股人渣味兒。

It does not hurt feelings, when it comes to money, but it indeed damn cost money when it comes to feelings。　

談錢不傷感情，但是談感情最傷錢。

The accountant said : "Could you please come for your earnings later, because I have no change here?"

會計說：“你能晚點來領工資么，我這兒沒零錢。”

I curse your buying instant noodles without getting flavoring bags。

我詛咒你一輩子買方便面沒有調料包。

The most mysterious department in the history is the department concerned。

史上最神秘的部門就是——有關部門。

There are two things that I could not do in my life--I could not do this and I could not do that。

我這輩子只有兩件事不會去做——這也不做，那也不做。

The others have their background, while what I have is the sight of my back。

人家有的是背景，而我有的是背影。

Never treat a dried shrimp not as seafood。

別把蝦米不當海鮮。

Since there are so many deceivers, it is very obvious that idiots are not enough。

騙子太多，傻子的數量明顯跟不上了。

We never be afraid that thieves carry their tools, but afraid they know some kind of technology。

不怕偷兒帶工具，就怕偷兒懂科技。

（來源：搜狐社區）