What a crazy language – plural words!

We all know that English is a bit of a crazy language, so I thought I’d share some of the craziest things about the English language with you. First of all, here are some plurals which can never be singular.

Have you ever heard of the phrase ‘to make amends for something’? It means to repair a relationship by compensating for something bad that you did. For example, if I accidentally drop and break a mug while I’m at your house I will buy you a new one to make amends for the one that I broke. So we can make amends for something, but strangely, we can’t make amend. Amends can only be plural, never singular.

What about pyjamas, sunglasses or trousers? They can’t be singular either! We can’t wear one pyjama or trouser, and definitely can’t have one sunglass! We can be in the doldrums (which means we are feeling sad or depressed), but never in the doldrums. We can also get the jitters (feel nervous, maybe before an exam or a date) but never get just one jitter.

And finally, one of my favourite words. If I break a mirror, it might smash into smithereens, which means lots of tiny pieces. However, we can’t say ‘a(chǎn) smithereen’; just like all the other words I’ve mentioned, it can never be singular. How strange!

What a crazy language – words with two meanings!

In the second of my series of blogs on how crazy the English language is, I thought I’d share some words which have two meanings. Some of these meanings are just two completely different things, but sometimes the meanings are actually opposite to each other. Have a look at these examples:

Left – Where’s John? He’s left (departed)

At the end of the evening there were only three people left (remaining)

With - England fought with France against Germany in World War One (together)

England last fought with France between 1792-1815 (against)

Critical - It’s critical that you hand in your coursework before Friday (important)

My mum’s very critical of my choice of university (opposed to)

Can - Baked Beans are usually canned (preserved in a tin can)

The boss canned half of the staff (sacked, or got rid of)

Cool - This website is so cool! (positive – meaning fashionable, exciting or trendy)

My proposal got a really cool reception from my boss (negative – meaning not hot, not very enthusiastic)

What a crazy language – why punctuation is so important!

Here are two letters in which the words are exactly the same, and in the same order. The only difference is punctuation. Which one would you prefer to receive?

LETTER ONE:

Dear John:

I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we’re apart. I can be forever happy–will you let me be yours? Sally

LETTER TWO:

Dear John:

I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we’re apart, I can be forever happy. Will you let me be? Yours, Sally

Here’s another joke that relies on punctuation:

An English professor wrote the words: "A woman without her man is nothing" on the board and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.

All of the MALES in the class wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing."

While All the FEMALES in the class wrote: "A woman: without her, man is nothing."

It just goes to show how important punctuation is!

(Source: www.englishonline.org.cn)

Johnny Grammar is English Online's resident grammar teacher. Johnny loves to tackle your worst grammar nightmares and provide you with simple explanations.

Johnny's blog: Johnny talks about interesting words and expressions in English that he comes across in his daily life.