男人絕對不能對女人說的八句話

If you're old enough to read these words, there’s a 99.9% chance you’ve said something to piss off a woman. And while we’re sure you probably didn’t mean to elicit that strong of a reaction, you can probably recall a few cringe-worthy memories when some flippant remark made your girl (or a complete stranger) fly off the handle.
如果你是到了一定年紀才來看這篇文章，那很可能是你說了什么不中聽的話惹惱了某個女性。不過雖然我們明白你并無心讓對方生氣，但是你一定也能回憶起幾段因為失言而得罪了你的愛人（或者某個陌生女人）的尷尬經歷。

To help you know what not to say to any woman from here on out, we asked 10 female comedians about what men say that irritates them the most. Here are their takes on the words that should never leave your lips again—unless you really enjoy the doghouse.
為了幫助大家弄清楚女性對哪些來自男性的話最反感，我們詢問了10個女喜劇演員。以下是她們的回答。看完這些，你要是不想住狗窩的話，可千萬不要再把這樣的話掛在嘴邊了。

“Are you wearing that?”
No.1 “你真的要穿這件衣服？”

“If you’re taking me out somewhere, and you see me with clothes on, then yes, I'm wearing that. This is not a hologram outfit under which I'm actually naked and about to get dressed in something you won't passive-aggressively tell me you don't like.”
–Fara Greenbaum, comedian, New York City
“你跟我出門的時候，如果你看見我穿了，那我就是穿了。我并沒有裸體穿全息服裝，我也不打算換上合你口味的衣服。”
——喜劇演員法拉·格林鮑姆，來自紐約

“You should smile more.”
No.2 “你應該多笑笑。”

“I hate when guys tell me to smile more. Maybe I just got fired today. Maybe I've just been walking around in 5-inch heels all day. Maybe I'm just not impressed with your mesh t-shirt. I don't tell you to do things, like get a haircut. But you definitely need one.”
-Chrissie Mayr, comedian and host of Comedy at Stonewall Inn, New York City
“我很討厭男人告訴我要多笑笑。我今天不笑，或許是因為我今天被炒了魷魚，或許是因為我已經穿5英寸的高跟鞋走了一整天，或許只是因為我對你的網眼T恤無感。我并沒有叫你去理發或者做別的什么事，盡管你的確該理發了。”
——喜劇演員、《石墻旅店》主持人克里希·邁爾，來自紐約

“A pet peeve is when strangers—always men—tell me to smile. This happens a lot on the NYC subway, and no one on the subway is happy to be taking the subway. While waiting for the train one day, a guy asked me, ‘Why aren't you smiling?’ and I told him, ‘Because I didn't push you in front of the train yet.’ 
-Jessica Sager, comedian, New York City
“我很受不了陌生人（一般都是男人）讓我多笑一笑。這樣的事情常常發生在紐約的地鐵上，沒有哪個坐地鐵的人是喜歡坐地鐵的。有一天，我在等地鐵，一個家伙問我：‘你怎么不笑呢？’我回答：‘因為我還沒把你推到列車前面去。’
——喜劇演員杰西卡·賽琪，來自紐約