律師出招：教你與伴侶吵架致勝法寶

A pile of dirty dishes, leaving the toilet seat up and coming home drunk from the pub are just some of the scenarios that can spark blazing rows up and down the country.
一堆臟盤子，馬桶坐便圈沒(méi)放下，從酒吧喝得爛醉回家，這些事都可能讓你倆吵得天翻地覆、一塌糊涂。

In order to help couples squabble more successfully, leading lawyer Jonathan Herring has penned a book called How To Argue.
業(yè)內(nèi)頂尖律師喬納森·赫林（Jonathan Herring）寫(xiě)了一部名為《如何講理》，幫助情侶如何在和另一半爭(zhēng)吵時(shí)占上風(fēng)。

In his entertaining, no-holds-barred guide, the Oxford-based professor reveals everything Brits need to know about bickering and tips on how to emerge triumphant.
在他的書(shū)中，這位牛津大學(xué)教授毫無(wú)保留地傳授了所有英國(guó)人吵嘴需要知道的事以及如何獲勝的訣竅。

Before bumping heads with a loved one, Jonathan says it's vital to fully think through what it is you want to say.
喬納森說(shuō)，在和愛(ài)人爭(zhēng)吵前，想清楚你想談的問(wèn)題是什么至關(guān)重要。

'Make sure you know the essential points you want to make,' he said. 'Before starting an argument think carefully about what it is you are arguing about and what it is you want. This may sound obvious. But it's critically important. '
“你一定要清楚自己想說(shuō)的關(guān)鍵問(wèn)題。開(kāi)始吵架前，仔細(xì)考慮好你在吵什么，你想要的是什么。這也許聽(tīng)起來(lái)是顯而易見(jiàn)的事，但其實(shí)這極為重要。”

After considering the strengths and weaknesses of your points, Jonathan says the timing and location of your quarrel is crucial.
喬納森說(shuō)，考慮好自己觀點(diǎn)的優(yōu)勢(shì)和劣勢(shì)后，吵架的時(shí)間和地點(diǎn)也十分重要。

'Think carefully before you start to argue: is this the time; is this the place?' he said. “想吵架前，仔細(xì)想想，是對(duì)的時(shí)間嗎？對(duì)的地點(diǎn)嗎？”

Many people lose arguments because they get caught up in the heat of the moment and don't fully listen to what it is the other person is saying.
很多人在爭(zhēng)吵中敗下陣來(lái)是因?yàn)楫?dāng)時(shí)被怒火沖昏了頭腦，根本沒(méi)好好聽(tīng)另一半說(shuō)了些什么。

To be victorious in a feud, Jonathan says you should let the other person do most of the talking.
喬納森說(shuō)，想要在吵架中獲勝，你得讓對(duì)方暢所欲言。

'It sounds silly, but you should aim to listen for 75 per cent of the argument and only speak for 25 per cent of it,' he said. 'If you listen intently you'll be able to beat their line of argument more easily.'
“這聽(tīng)起來(lái)很傻，但你要做到用75%的時(shí)間聽(tīng)對(duì)方說(shuō)，僅用25%的時(shí)間表達(dá)自己的砍伐。如果你聽(tīng)得很認(rèn)真，就能更輕松的辯駁對(duì)方的論點(diǎn)。”

While being prepared and listening is key, he says that you should always have a 'get out' plan.
雖然充分準(zhǔn)備和認(rèn)真聽(tīng)都十分重要，喬納森說(shuō)，你還得準(zhǔn)備個(gè)“停止?fàn)幊场钡挠?jì)劃。

To stop the row 'ending in a deadlock' having a 'preformed solution' can put an end to any uncomfortable arguments and help you to get what you want.
為防止讓爭(zhēng)吵陷入僵局，最好事先準(zhǔn)備一個(gè)很好的解決方案，這樣可以結(jié)束任何不愉快的爭(zhēng)吵，還能幫助你獲得你想要的結(jié)果。

Jonathan's final tip is to try and stay friends with your partner despite the conflict.
喬納森給出的最后一條建議是，盡管與另一半發(fā)生了沖突，但仍要保持你們間的友誼。

'You've got to ask yourself what the end game is when you're arguing with your partner,' he said. 'If you want to embarrass or humiliate them then it's eventually going to be bad for your relationship.
“問(wèn)問(wèn)自己和另一半爭(zhēng)吵之后想要什么結(jié)果。如果你想羞辱或讓對(duì)方感到尷尬，最終這將對(duì)你們之間的關(guān)系有害。”

'Make sure there's a way you can make up, a sort of escape plan, so it doesn't linger longer than it needs to.'
“你要確保有方法可以彌補(bǔ)兩個(gè)人的關(guān)系，那種‘逃跑方案’，讓這一頁(yè)快點(diǎn)翻過(guò)去。”

Vocabulary

scenarios：事態(tài)、局面

squabble：發(fā)生口角

bicker：斗嘴

英文來(lái)源：每日郵報(bào)

譯者：張卉

審校&編輯：丁一