小短腿兒也有春天

“腿到用時方恨短”是矮個子一生難以啟齒的痛楚，然而卻很少有人能體會到大高個“高處不勝寒”的凄涼。作為一個身高1.94cm的長腿歐巴，本文作者詼諧幽默地講述了高的痛苦、矮的優勢，讓人看了不禁莞爾——原來小短腿兒也有春天……

Short People Have All the Luck
小短腿兒也有春天

I was born a tall man and it’s only gotten worse since then. At 6 feet and 4 inches, I am exactly as tall as you can get before it starts frightening children. While height is a touchy subject and many people would love to be taller, I can assure you the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Short people are the ones that really have it made . Yeah, sure, being tall isn’t all bad. I always get to stand in the back for group photos, so no one will ever know how often I have mustard on my shirts. People always look up to me, whether they want to or not. I went straight from young enough to ride in a stroller to tall enough to ride a rollercoaster.

And don’t get me wrong, being short sucks sometimes. People make the same annoying “midget” jokes repeatedly. The jokes were obnoxious the first time and hearing them another billion times hasn’t helped. I’d like to personally apologize for everyone that’s made one of those jokes. It just isn’t possible for us tall people to be more creative, we’ve lost too many brain cells banging our heads on low chandeliers.

The thing is, for every shelf out of reach or woman that won’t date guys under 6 feet, there’s an opposite problem faced by tall people. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but there are plenty of situations where a shorter height is a blessing.

Who doesn’t like a nice hug? Tall people, that’s who. We have to either do a weird crouch thing or bend down while towering over the other person. There’s just no easy way to do it. Tall women have this one even worse. They can’t hug without smashing their chest into the person’s face like the least subtle pick-up move ever.

Short people are also better dancers. Long lanky limbs make it almost impossible for tall people to do it well. To make matters worse, they stick out above the crowd on the dance floor, so no one will miss a tall dork that can’t dance. Don’t even think about making a tall person slow dance. That’s like taking an awkward tall hug and stretching it out for an eternity of torture.

Short girls also have the luxury of making the whole world see them at MySpace angles. If you’re not familiar with MySpace angles, they came from a photography trick where girls took selfies with the camera way above their head because it made them look like babes on MySpace. Just imagine a life where everyone sees you like that 24/7 and always thinks you’re a babe. Doesn’t sound so bad to me!

Fashion is another area where shorter people are gifted. Everything old is new again and some people that don’t grow into Jolly Green Giants can still fit in their childhood clothes. Why pay $50 for a trendy vintage Ninja Turtles shirt when you can just wear the same one you had when you were ten?

High fives are the coolest thing ever but tall people can only give them, not receive. If we put our hands up for a high five, we’re just being jerks because the other person can’t reach. Piggyback rides are just as bad. Everybody wants one from the tall guy but the only people that can give me a piggyback ride without my feet dragging are too busy playing in the NBA.

These benefits of being short are only the tip of the iceberg. You rule at limbo, you can still Trick-or-Treat, and you always have legroom. The world is your oyster, short people, so slurp it up.

Vocabulary
1. 身高是一個敏感話題，而且很多人都想長得更高一些，但我向你保證，上面的空氣并沒有比下面的好到哪里去。touchy: 敏感的。
2. have it made: 具備成功的一切有利條件，有成功的把握。
3. mustard: 芥末。
4. stroller: 嬰兒車；rollercoaster: 過山車。
5. suck: 〈俚〉令人討厭，讓人不高興。
6. midget: 矮子。
7. obnoxious: 極粗魯的，惹人討厭的。
8. 想讓我們大高個多點創意是不可能了，光是頭撞在低懸的吊燈上就已經讓我們失去了太多的腦細胞。bang: （尤指無意中）猛撞，撞擊; chandelier: 吊燈。
9. out of reach: 夠不著。
10. blessing: 福氣，幸事。
11. weird: 奇怪的；crouch: 蹲伏；tower over: 遠遠高出。
12. 她們一擁抱就會把胸砸到對方臉上，堪稱史上最赤裸裸的勾搭方式。smash: 使猛撞；subtle: 含蓄的；pick-up: 勾搭。
13. lanky: 瘦高難看的；limb: 肢（臂或腿）。
14. 更糟糕的是，他們在舞池中“鶴立雞群”，所以沒人會看不到一個不會跳舞的傻大個。stick out: 突出，顯眼；dork: （侮辱性用語）傻瓜，呆子。
15. 這就像是將一個笨拙尷尬的擁抱延續成了漫長永久的痛苦。eternity: 極長一段時間；torture: （精神或肉體上的）折磨，煎熬，痛苦。
16. luxury: 奢侈的享受；MySpace angle: 指自拍時的特定角度。MySpace是一個社交網站，為用戶提供一個集交友、個人信息分享、即時通訊等多種功能于一體的互動平臺。
17. selfie: 自拍。
18. 24/7: 是一天24小時，一星期7天的縮寫，即每時每刻的意思。
19. trendy: 時髦的，流行的；vintage: 最典型的；Ninja Turtles: 忍者神龜，美國系列電影《忍者神龜》中的角色。
20. high five: 相互擊掌。
21. jerk: 蠢貨。
22. piggyback ride: 背某人。
23. the tip of the iceberg: 冰山一角，指所暴露出來的只是事物的一小部分。
24. limbo: 林波舞（一種西印度群島舞蹈，舞者需仰身通過低矮的橫桿）；legroom: （坐下來時的）放腳處，供伸腿的空間。
25. The world is your oyster: “世界是你們的”，源自莎士比亞名著《溫莎的風流娘們兒》 中“The world is my oyster”，世界比作牡蠣，是說從中我們可以得到非常有價值的東西；slurp: 出聲地吃（或喝）。

（來源：英語學習雜志 編輯：許晶晶）