兒子要成長，媽媽應放手

A top parenting expert has warned mothers that being too possessive of their sons and not letting men be strong father figures can be detrimental to their boys' upbringing.
一位高級育兒專家提醒各位母親，對兒子的占有欲過強，父親高大的形象難以樹立，會對男孩成長造成不利影響。

The frank advice comes from parenting expert No?l Janis-Norton in her new book Calmer, Easier, Happier Boys.
這一直白的建議來自育兒專家諾埃爾?詹尼斯?諾頓的新書《更冷靜，更簡單，更快樂的男孩》（Calmer, Easier, Happier Boys）。

According to the parenting and behavioural specialist and former teacher, fathers have much greater influence than mothers in shaping boys into well-adjusted young men - but too often mothers find it hard to back off and let dad take control.
據這位育兒行為專家所言，相較母親這個角色而言，父親在兒子成長為有教養的年輕人這段期間，對孩子有著更大的影響。但是更多的情況下，母親很難放手，讓其丈夫擔任此責。

'Without a strong father-figure, (which could also be a step-father or grandfather), boys may struggle to learn how to express their emotions constructively, how to handle their physical strength and learn to respect others - and themselves,' Janis-Norton tells the MailOnline.
‘沒有一個強壯的父親形象，（也可以是繼父或者祖父、外公），男孩可能很難學會如何有效地表達他們自己的情感，如何去控制他們的身體力量以及學習尊重他人和自己，’諾頓告訴《每日郵報》。

‘Mothers need to allow dads to be dads and to have their own relationship with their children - and in particular with their boys - without trying to micromanage,' she says.
“媽媽要讓爸爸有機會成為一個好爸爸，讓爸爸和他的孩子，特別是和兒子建立自己的一種關系，盡量避免管得太細。”她說。

The parenting expert, who has been credited by the likes of Helena Bonham-Carter turning her family life around, also warns mothers about being barking too many orders.
這位育兒專家還呼吁各位媽媽們不要管太多。這位育兒專家曾得到像海倫娜?伯翰?卡特這樣的名人認可，她說她的家庭生活徹底得到了改變。

'A boy will lose respect for the mother who appears to bossing the father around – or criticising him,' she says.
‘如果媽媽總是對爸爸呼來喝去的，又或是經常責罵爸爸，男孩就會失去對媽媽的尊重。’她說。

So when Dad gets little Tommy dressed in the wrong clothes, feeds him the wrong breakfast and then starts a pillow fight should Mum just look on through gritted teeth?
所以當爸爸給小湯米穿錯衣服，做壞早餐然后開始枕頭大戰的時候，難道媽媽還是要咬牙切齒一言不發嗎？

'Yes - absolutely she should!' says Janis-Norton. 'And the gritted teeth part comes because mums assume they know best - but actually none of us is perfect. We’ve got weaknesses too.
“是的，她當然要這樣！”諾頓說。媽媽會對上述行為咬牙切齒是因為她們覺得自己知道怎么做是最好的，但是實際上人無完人。我們每個人都有缺點。

'We’re not doing it right all the time. So really we shouldn’t be judging the dads!'
“人總會犯錯。所以我們真的不要質疑爸爸的判斷！”

Despite the title of her book, the Calmer, Easier, Happier Boys author, is at pains to point out that keeping calm is not always the goal. In fact, she actively encourages play-fighting for boys
雖然這本書名叫《更冷靜，更簡單，更快樂的男孩》，不過，該書作者煞費苦心地指出遇事冷靜并非其目的。事實上，她很積極地鼓勵男孩兒打打鬧鬧。

'Mums generally don’t have an interest in play fighting and they worry someone's going to get hurt, or feelings will get hurt, or clothes will get ripped or something will get damaged.
‘媽媽通常都對那些打打鬧鬧沒多大興趣。他們要么擔心孩子們身心受傷，要么擔心衣服被撕爛又或者東西被摔壞。’

'But none of that is as important as boys getting their energy out and through play fighting they learn a lot about how to fight fair.
‘但是任何事都比不上讓男孩子們釋放他們的精力重要。在打打鬧鬧的過程中，他們可以從中學習到如何公平決斗。’

'They learn how to control themselves, they learn how not to be too rough - and they also learn how to make amends if it does go too far.'
‘他們學會如何去控制自己，如何去把握尺寸，當做錯事后，也知道如何去彌補。’

'Dads can teach boys all of that,' she says but does advise that play fighting that is likely to become manic or annoy others in the house is best taken outside.
‘爸爸們可以教男孩們所有這些本領，’但是她也建議，在家里打鬧容易使人變得狂躁并影響別人，所以建議最好選擇在戶外進行。

Vocabulary

back off：后退，讓開

boss around：發號施令

play figh：打鬧

grit：咬緊牙關

（翻譯：劉伊文SCNU 編輯：江巍 馬文英）