Like mother, like daughter
(China Daily)
Updated: 2005-09-15 06:24

Bond in childhood

The strong bond that exists between Chinese mothers and their daughters has been explored in a myriad of novels in recent years by contemporary Chinese writers like Amy Tan in "Joy Luck Club" and "The Kitchen God's Wife."

Tan's two novels focus on the profound relationships between Chinese-American daughters and their immigrant mothers, and the trust and love that one of the characters finds in her relationship with her daughter.

"Much of the bond between mother and daughter can be traced back to early childhood," says Cindy Chu, professor of sociology at Hong Kong University.

"As in many families, the mother develops a close bond with her children, especially when they are very young, because she plays a stronger role in their nurturing than the father does," Chu explains. "At the same time, in Chinese families, the traditional role of the mother has always been to stay at home and take care of her children. Even mothers who worked still took on the role of primary caregiver."

The same can't be said of the fathers, she says, who have always been estranged from the family to a certain degree.

As well as spending more time away from home than the mother to support the family, Chinese fathers see their position as a provider rather than a caregiver. For them, providing financially for their family is already fulfilling their duty, she adds.

"Chinese men feel their role is to be more authoritarian," Chu says.

"They believe they must provide the discipline to their children, and they have a need to be respected. All of these attitudes tend to distance them from their families. Yet we know now that children, especially young children, need more than that. A father needs to bond with his children and build emotional ties with them."

Chu says she is pleased to see that the situation in Hong Kong is changing, "The new generation of fathers is interested in doing this, and fathers are taking more time to be with their children."

But for the city's women already in their 20s and 30s, dealing with more traditional fathers is a fact of life.

"Historically, in Chinese society, a woman's place in the family was never secure," Chu explains. "In her own home, she was seen as marginal to the family since a son carried on the family name and contributed more to the family's livelihood. It was expected that girls would eventually be taken away to join their husbands' families after they were married."

Yet a woman's position in her husband's family was not secure until she had his son. "And as a daughter-in-law, she was a relative stranger," Chu says. "So she had to work hard to gain acceptance in her husband's family."

These challenges gave rise to a mother's protectiveness of her daughter to prepare her for the world and shield her from these trying circumstances, Chu says. "The shared experience of mother and daughter binds them together in a way," she adds.

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