Crossing the great relationship divide

Most people in interracial relationships said they believe that good communication, trust and understanding are essential to make a relationship work.[Photo by Cao Zheng/Asianewsphoto]

Ingrained obstacles

Wang Kunpeng, a Beijinger who works as in the service department of a large multinational logistics company, has a clear idea of how hard it is for Chinese men to find wives from overseas.

"I see I'm not the only one looking for a different relationship," said Wang, whose English name is Martin. "Looking for a foreign wife is really not easy, and for a Chinese guy, it's almost the most difficult thing to achieve."

Wang's desire to marry a woman from overseas is partly motivated by competition with his sister, who married a man from Japan, and he has experienced many obstacles from home and abroad. Because they hold fast to traditional notions, Wang's Chinese friends and colleagues have shown little support for his plan, and he has also noticed a distinct lack of enthusiasm from his foreign friends.

Still, he sees himself as being different from everyday Chinese men. "I began to listen to symphonies about half a year ago, to immerse myself in their beauty. I now realize that the inner world I live in differs from my mom's, which is something I'm not really accustomed to," he said.

During the weekend, he studies Japanese in preparation for the future because his company is branching out in the US, France and Japan.

A student from the US once told him that he should love himself, and then he will be able to love others. "That alone is hard for any Chinese person," Wang said.

But when ruminating about life with a potential foreign spouse, he seems to have no clue of what may occur, and appears not to have considered how he would manage a cross-cultural relationship or the inevitable challenges that would be thrown up by their different family backgrounds.

Despite Wang's apparently casual attitude, making a relationship endure is hard work, according to one expert. "People who can manage a long-term relationship in multiple languages and cultures must have a special combination of intelligence, diligence, and patience. I have great respect for them," said Roy Huggins, a professional counselor in Portland, Oregon.