Subway just the ticket for my comic routine

My life has changed ever since Line 5 of Beijing's subway began its service. I ride the bus or taxi much less now. That is good for my health because the nearest subway station is 10 minutes from where I work. And that is the ideal jogging distance for me. Besides, I can finish much of my shopping en route.

Line 5 must be the most cost-effective project of public transport system in terms of return on investment. I've taken the line at all conceivable times, except early morning, and I've never seen an empty seat, something you cannot boast for other metro lines, in Beijing or anywhere in the world. Every hour is rush hour. If all public investment projects get this kind of result, we will be out of the better-off society and into the best-off society.

That makes me wonder why it hadn't been built earlier? Some related questions: Why does Line 1 have to extend all the way to the western suburbs, where, even now, it is not as populated? Why are there no Lines 3 and 4? Why do all the lines have to go in either horizontal or vertical?

I've always suspected that Beijing's subway system was designed not by urban designers, but by aficionados of fine arts. Everything is so symmetrical, with one loop on top of another. Maybe the capital city's residents choose their employers and homes as if they were in a square dance.

What if someone proposed a slanting line from the northwestern high-tech district of Haidian to the eastern CBD? The emperors who built the Forbidden City would rise up from their graves and kill the designer, I suppose.

Have you noticed that Line 5 does not have any advertising, either on platforms or in carriage interiors? That has made blank staring much harder to sustain. Now I have to conduct Seinfeld-like inner monologues by dissecting whoever happens to stand in front of me. I bet I can turn myself into a good comic if I take long rides.

Now, Line 5 must have cost gazillions of yuan, what with its modern equipment and aesthetically pleasing designs. But they must have used up all the money by the time it came to recording station announcements. So they hired someone who, in her nice and sweet voice, says "The narxt station is wait for your arrive." I won't blame them on cost management, but I guess it won't cost more than 1,000 kuai ($131) to hire a native English-language speaker.

If they really wanted to pinch pennies, I'm sure plenty of lao wais would be willing to do it for free.

Well, since there is nothing to stare at in the car, I cannot turn a deaf ear to all the funny syllables on the loudspeaker. Which brings me to my last trivial complaint - the volume of music. I fully acknowledge the progress being made. They are now broadcasting Mozart, which, according to Western research, has a way of driving away hooligan types. But do they have to notch up the volume so high? I feel like I'm in a concert, and that depreciates the value of a real concert.

Petty as it is, the loudness on public announcement system is ubiquitous, in airport and buses, too. No wonder people shout at their cellphones.

(China Daily 12/04/2007 page20)