Use of traditional matchmakers can help reinforce uptick in marriages
It is reported that more than 5.15 million Chinese couples registered for marriage in the first three quarters of last year, a year-on-year increase of about 8.5 percent.
That is good news given that China's population and number of marriages have been seeing a decline in the past few years. But demographers say it might be too early to celebrate because they believe the growth was largely policy-driven. Last May, the country eased marriage registration procedures, enabling couples to register their marriages at any government civil affairs office with just their ID cards.
Earlier, couples wanting to marry had to go to relevant departments in their hometown carrying their household registration certificates (hukou). That made it difficult for millions of migrant workers to tie the knot whenever or wherever they wished. Earlier, couples also faced hurdles if their parents, unhappy with the alliance for some reason, refused to provide them the necessary hukou.
The new policy is more young people-friendly. Reports say that 17 percent of all the marriages registered in the first three quarters of 2025 were registered in venues other than the relevant people's registered permanent residences.
Low birth and marriage rates have been troubling China and many other developed countries and regions for some years now. The reasons are roughly the same — high housing and education costs, job pressures and uncertainty in medical and retirement prospects. However, one reason might be unique to China — the gradual disappearance of warmhearted matchmakers who used to be active in our society.
For centuries, marriages in China were arranged by parents after consulting the matchmakers. In my grandparents' generation, marrying partners had hardly ever met or talked with each other. First, a matchmaker gave the go-ahead after matching a prospective couple's dates of birth and horoscopes and then, once their parents agreed, a marriage ceremony was held.
Such arrangements led to many unhappy marriages. When the People's Republic of China was established in 1949, the first law it published was the Marriage Law, which gave young people the freedom to choose their partners. This law legally rid the old-fashioned matchmakers of money-making opportunities. Their role was taken over by a new generation of matchmakers — usually warmhearted middle-aged female colleagues who did the job for free.
My parents were introduced by such "matchmakers". That custom continued till my generation. Soon after I took a job in Beijing after graduating from university, four or five of my gray-haired colleagues approached me, trying to introduce suitable girls to me. The match between my wife and I was, in fact, made by a high school mate of mine who had later become my wife's university school mate. Both my wife and I are still grateful to him.
I guess about 80 percent of urban marriages in my generation were solemnized thanks to the efforts of such warmhearted people. As a custom, all we needed to do to show our gratitude was send them a small bag of candies once the marriage was solemnized.
With the advent of professional matchmaking agencies, such matchmakers seem to have disappeared. First, the matchmaking agencies opened offices in every street corner. For a few hundred yuan, one could meet a number of girls or boys. Then such agencies went online, doing the same job but at a higher cost. Going by the falling number of marriages in general one can conclude that such agencies are not that successful.
Many people today miss the warmhearted matchmakers of yore. Being one partner's colleague, they at least knew one partner very well and the matches they made usually had a good chance of survival and success. They faded out probably because of the current tendency of people caring less about others' affairs.
My wife and I have two common female friends who are proud to have successfully matched 5-6 couples. In fact, despite having retired, they are still trying to match couples, because they believe it benefits not only the young people concerned but society as a whole.
I express my respect to them and call for the return of more such warmhearted matchmakers.
The author is former deputy editor-in-chief of China Daily.
