Navigating social media's emotional paradox

Chinese culture encourages us to study and work harder in an endless cycle of competition, known as neijuan, or "involution".Before the advent of the internet, comparisons were made with those close to us — siblings, classmates, neighbors, or colleagues. But now, we measure ourselves against the carefully curated lives of distant strangers on social media, often falling short and feeling demoralized.

While social media enables us to connect, share, and learn, it also brings misinformation, loss of privacy, and emotional damage.

Our study examined how 8,743 posts across various topics on Xiaohongshu (RedNote), a lifestyle-sharing platform, sparked comparisons and emotions among 43 Hong Kong university students aged 18 to 23 over one week. We found that neutral posts about science or real estate presented distant facts without triggering strong emotions. By contrast, posts featuring beautifully decorated cakes, marathon medals, or other happy experiences — portraying lives that seemed perfect — sparked upward comparisons, leaving students feeling inadequate and small.

Meanwhile, posts about financial struggles or stressful school tests dramatized emotional pain and powerlessness. These posts encouraged downward comparisons, evoking feelings of gloom, fear, or disgust. Although such posts could stir empathy, they also drained students emotionally.

In this way, both positive and negative content upset them, creating an emotional paradox. Over time, the accumulation of these effects can be harmful.

Several steps can help mitigate these effects. Teachers and counselors can teach students social media literacy through an emotional lens, guiding them to understand how people curate posts about success or craft self-deprecating posts to elicit sympathy.

Students can pause and ask,"How does this post make me feel?" to better reflect on how comparisons shape their emotions. This pause enables them to recognize that both positive and negative posts can be unsettling.

Building on this awareness, teachers can guide students to reframe discouraging thoughts — for example, replacing "I can never achieve that" with "Their success does not diminish mine". With stronger language and socio-cultural tools to navigate digital spaces — digital transliteracies — students can better manage social comparisons and emotional responses while more effectively discerning lies and manipulation.

Friendships matter. Friends buffer us against harmful comparisons and help us see beyond digital snapshots.

Parents can model healthy, ethical, and safe social media use, and openly discuss its benefits and risks with their children. They can also encourage curiosity about nature and society, helping children find joy beyond screens.

Social media platforms can give users more control over their feeds by allowing them to see a wider range of topics or filter out excessive content about success or hardship.

Laws also matter. For example, the European Union's 2024 Digital Services Act requires large platforms to explain how their algorithms work, assess systemic risks, and allow users to customize their feeds. Such transparency and accountability reduce the harmful effects of algorithmic recommendations, including disinformation and manipulation.

In this digital age, we face a choice: will we let our children get lost in a social media jungle, or help them learn how to navigate its riches?

Written by Michelle Mingyue Gu, Ming Ming Chiu, Angel Mei Yi Lin, Kevin Ka Shing Chan, Angel Nga Man Leung, and Jiapei Gu, all affiliated with The Education University of Hong Kong.

Social media has become deeply embedded in young people's lives, encouraging constant comparison. The emotional impact of this is widespread but often under-researched. Even seemingly ordinary posts — such as a friend's birthday celebration, a beautiful sunrise, or a modest test score — prompt comparison and competition.

Our study found that seeing others' lives as more fun, exciting, or rewarding — upward social comparison — can be inspiring at first, but repeated exposure may lead to jealousy, inadequacy, or even humiliation. Conversely, posts showing people doing worse — downward comparison — also negatively affect our emotions.