Flexible working means more time to be a parent

Deng Yan, 34, from Foshan, Guangdong province

I truly believe that being a stay-at-home mom adds value to the family and deserves recognition and respect. The quality involvement of parents, particularly in the first three years, can greatly shape a child's personality and habits.

My son was born in June 2019. In the same year, I left my job in commercial real estate marketing to become a full-time mother.

The company needed me to work on projects in Hunan and Jiangxi provinces, which meant I would be away from home for extended periods. I didn't want my child to experience what I went through, being left behind while my parents worked elsewhere. My husband had a similar experience, so we agreed not to let our child become a "left-behind child".

After my maternity leave, my company retained my job but suspended my salary for a year. In 2020, I considered returning to the real estate industry, but the rapid changes in the market and my time away from the field made me anxious. So I started working as an insurance broker. We don't have to clock in, allowing me to work from home in Foshan, Guangdong province, and be there for my son.

In November 2020, my son had his first febrile seizure. It was terrifying and I was in a panic. Any parent who has experienced this knows the feeling. The doctor warned that if not properly managed, fevers could lead to habitual seizures.

My child experiences about one seizure a year, and I have had to call an ambulance in the past. It was a scary and stressful experience, especially because I've had to manage it by myself most of the time. My husband works in Guangzhou while we reside in Foshan. His commute is very time-consuming.

I'm grateful for the flexibility my insurance broker job provides. I don't need to constantly ask for leave or feel guilty about balancing work and family. I can manage everything at my own pace.

I can calmly call an ambulance and organize what we need. This calmness comes from not being tied down by work that requires being physically present in the workplace. I have the freedom to take my son to see a traditional Chinese medicine doctor in my hometown if needed, and even stay there for a while. And when he simply needs his mom, I can be there for him.

Taking care of a child has been incredibly challenging, and it has made me hesitant to have a second child. Dealing with my child's health issues has been the most difficult part of being a parent for me.

I've found myself sitting alone in the living room, lost in thought, after he fell asleep. Sometimes, I'll engage in conversation with my husband, order takeout or have a barbecue to relax.

There are things I've wanted to pursue but haven't fully explored due to being a full-time parent, which has left me feeling like my potential isn't fully tapped. For instance, I enjoy reading and listening to books about discipline, parenting and history. I've also been learning video editing and documenting my child's daily growth through writing.

I went through a period without an income, but I had savings to fall back on. My performance as an insurance broker now has been decent, and I have managed to stay positive despite the challenges I face as a mother.

Deng Yan spoke with Li Hongyang.