Motherhood means you see world through child's eyes

Editor's note: Balancing motherhood and work in the modern world is a struggle many women will inevitably face. Here are the experiences of three women on how they managed to find self-worth and value facing such challenges.

Huang Meiling, 33, from Beijing

I chose to prioritize motherhood, a decision that has shaped my life profoundly.

In 2019, when I discovered I was pregnant, I resigned from my job. The challenges of commuting on crowded public transportation during my pregnancy led me to focus entirely on my health and the well-being of my unborn child.

In 2023, I returned to the workforce in the telecommunications industry. The field is often seen as a traditional industry, and over the years, there haven't been many significant changes. I have adjusted well to the new job.

During the first three years of my daughter's life, I dedicated myself entirely to being a full-time mother. I felt that my presence was crucial during this formative period.

These years were not without challenges. The physical demands of motherhood, including sleepless nights and the constant attention my child required, took a toll on my health.

When I was taking care of my child on my own, I set fairly high standards for myself. In terms of my physical capacity, these demands were quite challenging. I ensured we had three to four outdoor activities daily. As she grew to about 2 years old, I insisted we explore beyond nearby parks, visiting places like the science museum or going on trips to broaden her experiences.

I also prepared separate meals for her and put a lot of effort into cooking for my husband and myself, as eating well contributes to my happiness. I ensured we had at least three dishes for dinner. Balancing child care, meal preparation and attending to my child's emotional needs was tough. I've never hit or scolded her. I believe in allowing her to express emotions, which often meant suppressing my own feelings. Every day, I woke up feeling weak, especially during the summer.

However, I remained committed to providing a nurturing environment, ensuring my child had ample opportunities to explore and learn, even if it meant pushing my own limits.

During the time when my child needed me the most in her first three years, my focus was entirely on her. I decided not to worry about money during this period because I knew I wouldn't go hungry. My family's spending level matches my husband's income. My main goal was to be a good mother, and that's how I defined my role at that time.

My mother didn't offer the kind of companionship I now provide for my child. Back in my childhood, it was all about getting by. There wasn't any emphasis on developing lifestyle habits, fostering a love for reading, building character or exposing children to the world.

Reflecting on my upbringing, I realized that I wanted to give my child experiences that I had missed. This journey of motherhood has not only been about nurturing my child but also about rediscovering and nurturing myself. Seeing the world through my child's eyes has allowed me to revisit my own childhood and address the gaps I felt growing up. This journey has been as much about my personal growth as it has been about my child's development.

When raising my child, I often think back to my own experiences, such as if my mom did something that upset me, I would consider what she could have done differently to make me happy. I use this reflection to guide how I interact with my own child.

Through reading, exploring new ideas, and facing the challenges of motherhood, I have become more self-assured and independent.

I have learned to focus on what is important to me and my family, rather than being swayed by external opinions.

In doing so, I've grown stronger and more resilient, learning to prioritize what truly matters to me and letting go of external judgments.

Huang Meiling spoke with Li Hongyang.