Till divorce us do part

The difficulties of juggling the responsibilities of being a good parent and following a good career path are common, but generally it is mothers who feel under greater pressure in this regard, Yang, the professor, says.

"Women want men to do their bit with family work, including taking care of children, but men can be slow on the uptake because of tradition and gender imbalances. That can produce a lot of marital friction."

In the academic field and in government generally there has been a growing realization of the challenges that young mothers face, with pressure on employers to eliminate gender discrimination and give more support to young mothers in the workplace.

"There are not enough supportive measures from society for families with young children, and that can produce greater marital tension," Yang says.

Most divorce proceedings in China are instigated by women, she says, which is a sign that women's rights being protected.

Society is becoming tolerant and respectful of the choices people make, including staying single or getting out of an unhappy marriage, she says.

"Divorced women used to be stigmatized by families, colleagues and friends, but that has largely changed, which is a sign of how society has progressed."

Wu Zhihong, a consulting psychologist in Beijing, says women should listen to their inner voice and be aware of being swayed by the views of others.

"People should respect their own feelings and make their own decisions," he wrote in a social media contribution.

"Of course there is no harm in seeking a good marriage, but women should not make themselves dependent on others in looking to achieve this goal.

"A woman looking to repair a relationship by hoping that the other person will love her again can only end up disappointed. It won't happen. Most women finally get to face themselves after they have gone through this bitter experience."

Being independent and not sacrificing oneself to gain love will help people to lead a life they want, Wu says.

Tong Ling, 24, a college graduate who found a job last month, said she has no expectations of marrying.

"The best years in life should be spent on freeing oneself from poverty instead of freeing oneself from being single," she says.

A relationship she was in at college ended in breakup.

"I used to dream about marriage and thought that one day I'd be a happy wife. Gradually I realized that the cost of marriage is too high."

She would rather invest time and energy on herself than on another man, she says.

"Maybe I'm a bit timid and incapable, but I really believe I just can't marry someone and live with them."

What she is intent on is working hard to make money and then buying an apartment, she says.

"My apartment will give me more sense of security than a marriage could. I would love to make big and beautiful plans alone in the apartment I buy for myself."

Someone who saw her plans turn to dust is Zhang Xian, 36, a bank clerk, who had been married for six years and divorced two years ago.

"I don't know the reason exactly for my divorce, but I knew that I was unhappy and I always tried to find excuses or reasons to be out with friends instead of going home after work," she says. "I don't think he was the one I wanted."

However, the couple could not agree on a property settlement and the matter ended up in court.

"I spent six months on the divorce and another six months getting myself back to normal emotionally," Zhang says.

She kept her divorce secret until she felt she was ready to tell colleagues and friends, and when she did all were sympathetic and supportive, she says.

"I think a reason for that level of understanding was that divorce has become so common. One thing that divorce did for me was that it made me grow up. I also learnt that people are sophisticated and that it's wrong to judge others."

She hopes all women in an unhappy marriage can find the courage to get out of it, even though it can be hard at the beginning, she says.

"I have become more courageous and I now know exactly what I want."

Asked if she still believes in love and marriage, Zhang says yes. She now has a boyfriend and they are dating seriously, with marriage in mind.

"For a certain time after the divorce I didn't believe in marriage, but with love and care my boyfriend has helped change the way I think. I'm confident about marrying again."

She added, laughing: "On the other hand, I'm not afraid of being divorced again, either. I've had the experience."