'Model husband' shatters image of love

Unlike Western countries, where the marriage ceremony usually involves taking vows based on religious practice, most Chinese couples simply sign a registration form and then hold a lavish celebratory banquet. To promote stronger awareness of marital responsibility, all of Beijing's registration offices will soon provide couples with the option of making voluntary marriage vows before they register.

In January, the marriage registration office in Beijing's Fangshan district started to provide voluntary premarital education classes designed to teach newlyweds the skills to promote better communications, along with tips on resolving the daily conflicts that are inevitable in a marriage.

"We invited along a couple who had been married for nearly two decades to address the young people. They described their experiences, explained how they resolve their disputes and also gave tips on preserving a harmonious relationship. The details they provided were invaluable," said Jin Mingxian, the director of the registration office.

Wang, the marriage expert, said couples should communicate as often as possible instead of using a "cold war" to solve their problems. People need to look at problems from the others person's point of view, put themselves in their shoes and learn to compromise. Failure to do so may result in divorce, and even if the protagonists enter a new marriage, they will still be faced with the same problems.

If an extramarital affair happens, couples need to determine the root causes before considering any other course of action. They need to negotiate to see if they can change, meet each other's demands and move on.

"If they fail to do that, divorce is the best option. If they stay together, their marriages will always be plagued with similar problems," she said.

Contact the writers at yangwanli@chinadaily.com.cn, hena@chinadaily.com.cn and zhanglei@chinadaily.com.cn

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